If you had asked me last week how I was doing, I might’ve just sent you a screaming emoji.

Because last week? I was in full-on meltdown mode.

See, I had placed my bulk order of Marked by Fate hardcovers and paperbacks through Barnes & Noble Press. The plan was simple: get them delivered with plenty of time to spare before the launch party. Pack them neatly. Breathe. Be ready.

But what actually happened? A complete communication black hole.

The Panic Spiral: A Memoir

I sent email after email.

Waited.

Refreshed.

Waited some more.

Days passed. My inbox stayed quiet. And my brain? Oh, it filled the silence with every worst-case scenario imaginable:

• What if they never shipped?

• What if they arrived damaged?

• What if I ran out of time and had no books at my book launch party?

• What if this whole thing—this entire 11-year journey—was about to unravel at the final stretch?

The fear wasn’t just about shipping delays. It was about what they symbolized. I’ve fought so hard to make this dream real. The thought of not having those books in hand, of letting people down, of watching this carefully built momentum crumble… it wrecked me.

Then the Email Came

It was a random moment. I wasn’t even expecting it anymore. I had kind of emotionally braced myself for the worst.

Then—ping. There it was.

An email from B&N Press: Your books have shipped.

I read it twice. Three times. I cried. I laughed. I texted six people and possibly screamed into a throw pillow.

And today… they arrived.

Boxes. Stacks. Weight and ink and pages that I wrote. They’re here. They’re real.

The Feeling of Seeing It All

There is nothing like seeing your book in bulk for the first time. Not a proof copy. Not a digital file. But full, finished, gorgeous copies—plural—ready to go home with readers.

It’s surreal. It’s overwhelming. It’s more emotional than I expected.

I lined them up just to stare. I took about a hundred photos. I hugged the first box (no shame). This isn’t just paper. It’s proof of survival. It’s proof I followed through. It’s the weight of everything I poured into this story—now ready to be carried away by someone else.

So yes. The books are here. And so are the tears, the joy, the relief, the gratitude.